Condiments are an important staple in the average American’s dietary needs. Ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, ranch, barbeque sauce, and oil and vinegar along with a few others are some of the more popular kinds that are used on a daily basis. Why do Americans need condiments? Is it because they taste good or something more? There is an old saying that goes, “You are what you eat,” and this statement holds true in the discussion of condiments.
Ketchup is the most popular condiment not only because of its accepting flavor but because it’s readily available nearly everywhere and are cheap in price. Ketchup is made from mostly tomatoes and sugar and is a key ingredient to many main dishes but its true calling is for a dipping sauce. French fries wouldn’t be French fries without a heaping mound of ketchup to dip them in. Without ketchup fries just don’t taste the same. But what about the ketchup people? Those who devour it during every meal like they may never taste it again? Ketchup people are bland just like the condiment they are shoveling in their mouth. They are a stickler for rules and they have strict schedules that must be adhered to or madness will ensue. People who use ketchup like it’s a side dish will never think outside the box nor will they try other condiments because they are content with what they have and will remain dull ketchup eaters.
Mustard is another condiment that has been around for a long time but because of its acquired taste it comes in second to ketchup in rankings. Mustard can come in all types of forms including grey poupon, Dijon, honey, and spicy. Washington DC and people who live there are a lot like mustard and the people who enjoy it. There are many types of people that reside in Washington DC yet they are all very similar because most of them are workaholics. Whether they are a businessman working for the President (grey poupon) or a woman who works in Macy’s lingerie department (spicy), they have the same goal: work and make money, just like mustard’s goal: work and try to become better than ketchup. The goals are set too high in my opinion. Mustard needs to take it down a notch and try to just be good at what he does best which is adorning hotdogs at a cookout.
Mayonnaise is another condiment that is well-known but not quite as tasty nor as popular as its counterparts. Mayonnaise or mayo as most like to call it is mostly made of eggs which a type of protein and no other condiment has this special feature. Mayo people are also special in the sense that they like a rather fattening condiment; why choose a non delicious topping to adorn your French fries and hamburgers when there are so many more flavorful choices to select from? Maybe the fat content in mayo coincides with the laziness of the mayo people. It’s also very bland in taste, but when mixed with herbs and spices, it can bring zest to egg salad or be used as a topping for a baked potato. At least the mayo people are getting double protein.
Ranch…that’s all I have to say. This special flavor enhancer has come a long way since its salad topping days. With a few different types to try such as five cheese and buttermilk it hasn’t quite pulled away from its original self like mustard but improved the natural ranch flavor and made it even better (if that’s even possible). Ranch can be a great dipping sauce for fries, nuggets, bread, and veggies, or it can top salads, pasta, and even macaroni and cheese! It’s slowly moving up to take over ketchups number one spot but hasn’t quite conquered the high feat yet. Ranch lovers are very happy and enthusiastic people. Sometimes they get a little annoying because they try to force their belief in ranch upon others which can cause tension between groups of condiments. All in all, ranch people are easy to get along with, but they will never go back to boring old ketchup again because of their new found love.
Barbeque sauce is another up and coming condiment that has yet to bring its true potential full force. It is spicy, sweet, and tangy all at once but the texture is something that takes a little getting used to. Barbeque sauce, when made correctly, has a rather thick consistency and many condiment people do not enjoy this because fries can break in half when trying to scoop the brown sauce out of the tiny cup into their mouth. With many different ways to make barbeque sauce it’s very versatile in the types of food that it embellishes. Baby back ribs, chicken wings, and pulled pork are just a few items that barbeque sauce alone can truly complete and make finger-licking good. Barbeque people are spontaneous risk takers that are always looking for adventure. Because barbeque sauce is a lot different taste wise from the previously listed condiments so are the people. They are hard to keep up with yet they are still down to earth. Barbeque is becoming more popular just like the people who go along with it.
Oil and vinegar is a condiment that is not unheard of but it is a tiny speck on the radar of the condiment world. Being the healthiest out of all condiments is about all it has going on for it. The taste is just ok and the texture is horrendous. It’s runny and oily so fries can’t be dipped into the substance but it will unclog your sinuses because of the kick the vinegar adds to the mixture. As one can imagine oil and vinegar people are just that…ok. They are healthier than most and they like to boast about it when lining up at the salad bar. “Oh aren’t you going to put some dressing on your salad?” “No, I’m going to eat healthy and use the oil and vinegar option.” They are pretentious and look down on the other condiment users because those people are clearly making wrong life choices. Oh, if only everyone could be like the oil and vinegar people the world may be a better place.
Other condiments that were not listed such as relish and hot sauce also deserve a mention. Relish, although not a sauce can also be considering a condiment because it is great on hotdogs. It’s tangy taste and rough texture makes it different than other condiments, but it’s relish so it’s allowed to be a little odd. Hot sauce is the devil. It’s red, spicy, and causes diarrhea when use in abundance. I hate hot sauce and I believe that it should be banned from normal grocery stores and sold only at specialty stores.
My personal favorite is sweet and sour sauce. Tangy with a hint of sugariness describes me perfectly. I’m opinionated and I say what’s on my mind, but I can top it off with a sugar coated compliment. Sweet and sour sauce has the perfect consistency with a little thickness, but not enough to break your fry in half like the crazy barbeque sauce. It’s perfect on fries, nuggets, and even a hamburger tastes better when dipped into a cup of McDonald’s sweet and sour sauce. Therefore, my condiment choice is obviously the best because it’s just…perfect.
Where would humans be without condiments? I’ve only discussed the ones that are popular in America. Think about how many other countries and condiments there are that America wouldn’t even consider a condiment such as chili paste and soy sauce. Every person in the world uses condiments on a daily basis which is why they are so important. Condiments seem to hold a certain stereotype within, and by looking closer at each type, a realization occurs: the condiment fits the personality.
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